My son, the Christian?!
CHAPTER 6: Both Families meet!
It all
started in April 1995. As I have mentioned earlier I have three sons. The
eldest, Philip, had just turned 13 and we decided to organise a barmitzvah
for him. Because of our beliefs it was never going to be a traditional
Jewish one with a daunting synagogue service and because of our lack of
money it was never going to be a lush 'do' with expensive catering, a
luxury venue and a star-studded cast. We opted for a simple Messianic
ceremony at a smallish hall, with a cold buffet, but still with a disco
and a live band. We also had an army of guests/helpers to ensure the
smooth running of it all and to keep the costs down. I was in charge of
the ceremonial and entertainment's side and my parents looked after
catering.
Being a Jewish affair you can guess where most of the efforts went - 80%
of manpower went towards organising the food and creature comforts of the
guests! The whole thing was planned with the cold efficiency of a military
campaign and the heated emotions that only Jewish organisation can
generate (basically we all got on each other's nerves for 4 months before
the event and didn't speak to each other for 2 weeks afterwards!). The
invitations went out and, to our surprise, nearly all could come and all
absentees had valid excuses. We honestly expected many to make excuses and
stay away as, by then, it was common knowledge in our family that my
mother and sister and I had gone off! We reasoned that although all were
coming because of politeness and common courtesy, some were coming out of
curiosity, but many would be reluctant guests.
PHYLLIS
At last the day had arrived, months of worry, anxiety, planning and
praying was over. The DAY had come. It was with relief that the time was
here and I handed it all to the Lord, knowing that He was in control, I
could do nothing. The morning began with a phone call saying that Brenda
(Hymie's niece) couldn't come, she was ill. Here we go, I thought. The
last few days we had received many calls from family cancelling, for
various reasons. The enemy was really at work here causing disruption and
irritation. It was obvious that what we hoped to achieve here was
disturbing the enemy. Getting together 95 Jewish people in one hall was no
easy feat ....
STEVE
.... let alone allowing (or forcing) them to hear the Gospel for probably
the first time! No wonder there were problems. To answer any questions you
may have concerning the reasons for us holding this Barmitzvah, bearing in
mind the tortures I went through over a quarter of a century earlier,
there was really only one reason. We desperately wanted our Jewish family
to hear the Gospel message in a way that was culturally sensitive. We were
so grateful for our own salvation and wanted to use this formal, social
setting to share our faith. This was an ideal opportunity. Jewish people
love parties and, although we knew there would be many reservations about
what they were letting themselves in for, we knew that most, if not all,
would be duty-bound to come. I was all for locking all the doors and
posting sentries to stop people leaving during the religious service, but
I was out-voted!
PHYLLIS
At 2pm our friends from the Tree of Life arrived to load up cars, as our
lounge was stacked up like a store-room. Boxes, cakes, flowers, bottles of
wine, table cloths, they filled the room. The cars were packed solid,
passengers carried items on their laps. We followed each other in a long
column of cars to the hall. It was all intricately planned. A week before
we had met to organise each person, so that everyone knew what they would
have to do on the day. We had so little time to do so much. Just 3 hours
to transform this bare hall into a thing of beauty. But we did it.
Balloons, ribbons, flowers decorated the walls and tables. In the kitchen
food, food and more food. Ladies working frantically trying to create
order out of chaos. Musicians were on the stage, rehearsing. Everyone
getting on with the work in hand. Calling to each other, 'where's the
forks?'. 'Has anyone seen the drawing pins?' 'Does this look
straight to you?' Oh, the sweat was pouring off the brow, I was scared
to look at the time, as there was still so much to do. But then I realised
that I only had 15 minutes to get ready.
STEVE
What chaos. But ordered chaos. Someone video'd that 3 hour period on a
time lapse video camera and the resulting sequence was a thing of beauty,
rather like watching the life-cycle of a plant, from tiny shoot to full
flower. In the video you could see the bare hall and plain wooden tables
transformed by an army of worker ants into a tableaux of colour and
crockery, silverware and serviettes. And on every shot there was my mum, a
picture of frantic energy and concern, conducting the show, like a cross
between Leonard Bernstein and Norman Wisdom. Eat your heart out,
Buckingham Palace dining room, never has James Hawkey Hall shone with such
magnificence (well, not since the South West Essex Rotary club luncheon
the previous day). Even Winston Churchill, looking down from his portrait
on the west wall, smiled smugly, as if to show his approval at such
elegance, such grace , such ....
PHYLLIS
Now, Stephen, stop taking the mickey! (oh, alright then - Steve).
Struggling with my tights with one hand and pushing my work clothes into a
bag with the other one, a voice said, 'Hi, how are you ... ?'. The
first visitor had arrived. My sister-in-law, who had possibly taken all
afternoon to get ready, all made up with perfect lipstick and dress, was
standing there watching me struggling. 'Lord, you really have a sense of
humour', I thought. I had always been the perfectly dressed one at any
function, taking hours to get ready and here I was with a quick dash of
lipstick, a flick of the comb through my hair, and more concerned with
receiving guests than with how I looked. Boy, have I changed! Walking down
the stairs, seeing all the cousins, aunts and friends all milling around
smiling and chatting, I mentally switched off from being the worker, and
became the hostess with a smile on my face. It is amazing where we get our
energy from. He gives us what we need, when we need it.
STEVE
She thought she had problems! The plan was that we would all stand in a
line in the reception area, receiving guests in a line, shaking hands with
my right hand and pocketing the envelopes (the money) with my left hand.
Philip and I had rehearsed it for days! In reality, when the first guests
were arriving I was still in jeans and T-shirt, on stage helping to
organise the musicians. By the time I had dashed to the cloakroom to
dress, all of the early guests had already invaded and were face-down in
the hors d'ouevres. So Philip and I had the unenviable task of seeking out
the guests one after the other, in a mazy stroll around the hall,
relieving them subtly of their envelopes.
PHYLLIS
'Good to see you'. 'How are you?' 'Have you met Jim,
Ruth etc etc'. And so it went on. The reception went well. I had
chosen my prettiest Christian friends as waitresses, introducing them to
my family as members of my fellowship. Libby, Rosa, Debbie and Natasha
were all strong believers and were not going to miss an opportunity to
share their faith with whoever wanted to hear. They were chatty, friendly,
smiling girls and they offered round hot food to whoever wanted. My family
were only interested in the food, and not the chat, I'm afraid. But I
managed to get a few words in about the fellowship, showing my family how
we, as a fellowship, work together as brothers and sisters. They were
impressed and said so. So far so good. Everyone was happy. Lots of food,
wine, tea, chat. All smiling faces.
STEVE
Hold on a minute, mother. I supplied some people too, from my Church.
Maybe Calvin, Paul, Dave and co. weren't as pretty as Libby, Debbie, Rosa
and Natasha, but they had their jobs to do. And a mention too for Ro,
master of the kitchen, and his wife, Eva, who acted as my mum's
second-in-command. Let's not forget the backroom boys and girls, I say.
There were a few other helpers there, but I've forgotten who they were!
PHYLLIS
We were then all called to sit down at the tables. There was a seating
plan. We had carefully planned each table to have at least 2 or 3
believers. We needed to put the right person on the right table. For
instance, we had a very strong Messianic Jew who had a loud, aggressive
manner, who we sat with some cousins who were also strong loud people with
strong opinions. That turned out to be a good table, one of the more
successful ones. Steve, Hymie, Monica and I had struggled over that table
plan for days. That poor table plan had so many rubbed out marks on it by
the end. As I passed Mervyn's table I whispered to him and the whole
table, 'Pray, this is the heavy bit coming, I need this table to pray'.
When I said, 'the whole table', it was because everyone on this table were
strong Christians. They nodded. 'We need all the help we can get',
I added. I think, looking back, that I was at peace, but was aware, with
some anxiety, of what was to come. But I also felt that it was all in
God's hands.
STEVE
So we sat down. I welcomed everyone and the band played a few songs (all
Christian, Messianic, songs that we had sung many times in the Fellowship,
such as 'Baruch Ha Ba' and 'Roni Bat Zion'). Then Stuart,
the Rabbi for the day, called Philip and I up to the stage. Philip read
from Leviticus (in English, not Hebrew, though looking at some faces it
could have been in Swahili and they wouldn't have noticed!) and was prayed
over by three family friends, Tony Pearce, John Fieldsend and Ya'acov
Prasch. Philip told me afterwards that, although he was as nervous as
anything when he was called up to the stage, as soon as he approached the
microphone he uttered a quick prayer to himself and the rest went like a
dream. Think of Billy Graham, then think of Philip. Absolutely no
connection at all, let's not get too spiritual here! Anyway Philip also
commented afterwards that the only thing that really concerned him was
when it all went black. No, he wasn't 'slain in the spirit', that
was when John Fieldsend covered his head with a tallit, in order to say a
blessing over him.
PHYLLIS
The service was beautiful, the singing was angelic. Philip spoke
confidently and calmly. The blessings over him were touching. I was not
concerned with my family, at that stage, I was enjoying this and so was
Hymie. Looking back, I do not feel that anything so far was challenging to
any of the non-believers present. And then Stuart stood up and spoke. He
challenged those who did not believe. He asked them to look for themselves
in the Bible, to see for themselves that Jesus had to be the Jewish
Messiah. He only spoke for 20 minutes. I do believe that it was 20 minutes
too long for most of the family. You could sense the atmosphere. Looking
round you could see long, angry faces, many talking among themselves.
Some, I found out later, walked out. But it did not bother me at the time.
I was satisfied that the job had been done. The whole family now knew the
truth. What they did with the knowledge was up to them and God. 'It was
too long', was one remark. They had forgotten that the usual synagogue
ceremony would have taken most of the morning, mostly in Hebrew. 'We
were hungry!' They had only just eaten the hors d'oeuvres! Most of the
rest were indifferent, or angry. Angry because they felt trapped. Angry
because of the name, Jesus. Were we right? Did they have a reason to be
angry? Should we have challenged them in this way?
STEVE
Stuart preached from Deuteronomy 28, in the Jewish Bible. He spoke
eloquently with conviction and concern. You could tell that he really
wanted to get through to these people. Some were listening, at least one
whole table I noticed, but they were very much in the minority. The
'important' table, that was made up of some of our closest relatives and
family friends overtly ignored the sermon in its entirety. The only
Christian witness on that table were Stuart and his wife Lori. As Stuart
was doing the preaching, that left Lori, looking as if she wished that the
floor would open up beneath her (or perhaps she was praying for the
'rapture'?). It was so sad. What were those people doing? Didn't they know
that all the expense, the weeks of effort and organisation, the problems
and the arguments, the carefully worked out programme, the rehearsals, the
meetings ..... all of these were purely for their benefit, so that they
could hear the Good News of Jesus Christ, who died for them and wished
them only to come into His eternal kingdom? And here they were, straining
not to listen, keeping up a constant barrage of trivia and smalltalk, lest
they accidentally hear a word of hope and truth from Stuart.
PHYLLIS
The buffet followed, with a delightful speech by Stephen. Dancing and
music was next. Many people did not dance, even for the traditional
dances, but stayed by their tables and chatted. But many just sat with
sullen faces, looking at their watches. Funnily enough, although I was
aware of this anger, it did not touch me then. It was a relief when it was
finally over and we had been obedient. I was determined to enjoy myself,
which I did. All the fellowship danced and sang, with bright, smiling
faces. The difference between them and the family was clear to see.
STEVE
Now the ceremony had started at 7pm, the buffet at 8pm. What was
interesting was that about 20 guests arrived just in time for the food.
Various excuses were given for missing the 'religious' ceremony.
Babysitters were late, couldn't get away from work early etc. I thought
nothing of it until I heard that one guest confessed later to my sister
that the real reason for his lateness was that he didn't want to be at the
ceremony. He'd heard it all before and 'if I heard it all again I
would only get angry and have to walk out!'. This was no hot-head,
this was a sensible level-headed and intelligent solicitor. I couldn't
believe it and I realised that he was openly admitting what was probably
going through the heads of most of these secular Jews, those who were
there and those who purposely came late!
PHYLLIS
As Steve mentioned before, the table closest to us was the one with our
closest friends and family. I felt the anger and aggression on that table,
poor Stuart and Lori really had a job on their hands with them. There was
not a smile, they didn't get up to dance and took no real part in the
family function. My feelings were of sadness, but with a peace in my
heart. As it says in Matthew 10, 'If the home is deserving, let your
peace rest on it. If it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone
will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet
when you leave that home or town'.
This table represented nearly my whole life. Brothers, sisters-in-law and
old school friends. I suppose, to be honest now, writing this 4 days after
the event, at the time I was very hurt and angry. Things that they said
cut through to my heart. I felt frustrated that they were in ignorance,
they had not received the truth. I felt that a part of me that was with
them had finished. I had tried to show them love and consideration, always
interested in their lives, never receiving back any interest in anything
in my life. I had accepted that but now, after this night, I felt a part
of me die.
At 11pm the guests had left. And again the helpers did their stuff,
clearing up, loading cars. And they were all sharing conversations,
singing, laughing and having a wonderful time. Hymie didn't get to bed
until 2am, tired but happy.
STEVE
The events of the day got me thinking. If there was to be one lesson to
be learnt from the day is was that there was a deeply-embedded distrust in
the mind of the Jew against all things Christian, particularly Jesus
Christ. Of course I'd read about it and, thank God, had never felt it
personally, but here I was seeing it for real. And it was from these seeds
that the idea of this book was born. I urge you to read the second part of
this book, 'The Apple of His Eye', in order to get a flavour of
the typically Jewish psyche. My desire is to try and explain how a group
of people can be so conditioned by history and tradition, that they are
unable to listen to someone talk about what was in some way forbidden for
them to hear. What's wrong with hearing or reading from the 'Christian'
New Testament? Would they have the same problems listening to someone
talking about astrology, or yoga, or spiritualism, things that, in the
long run, could do much more harm than good (and which, in fact, are all
'forbidden' by God in the Law of Moses)? What is so frightening about
Christianity ?
PHYLLIS
Over the next two days I got upset and angry. Firstly there were hardly
any calls from the family, which is normally unheard of. I took this as a
snub. And the calls that did trickle in were negative about the
barmitzvah, or didn't mention it at all.
My aunt Minnie was the only one who was positive. She had noticed the
difference in us, as a family. She saw the love we had as brothers and
sisters in the fellowship. She was totally open. Others, though only a
few, were open too. But now four days had passed and I know that we had
accomplished what Steve and Monica and I had set out to do. To preach the
Gospel to all the family and friends. We stood up for what we believed in
and we acknowledged Jesus as the Jewish Messiah.
STEVE
A few weeks later, Minnie, my great aunt who had shown the most interest
in the Gospel, died in her sleep. We thank God that He gave us the
opportunity to show His truth to her before it was too late. We trust that
God did a work in her heart and that she is with Him now. But the others,
as far as we know, are still dead in their sins. Perhaps more will come
through, perhaps a seed was sown here and there. It is not for us to know,
but we will one day. All we can do is to pray for them and still continue
to find opportunities to persevere with them.
PHYLLIS
So this is where I say 'Goodbye' and leave the rest to Steve. Here I am
today, secure in my walk with Yeshua, learning each day how I can serve
him. I long for the day when my 'vision' (the 'drop-in' centre) will
materialise, knowing that it will be in the Lord's timing. It would be so
good to have a base that is ours to build and watch grow. Friday nights
continue to be blessed with many exciting speakers visiting us. A small
trickle of Jewish people are coming in and giving their lives to the Lord,
but I pray for more. Many Gentile believers from far away places are
coming in to hear and learn more about the Jewish roots. Two of our
fellowship, Mike and Bev, left us to study in Israel for a year and
returned with lots of new worship songs, to liven up our meetings. Stuart
continues to lead us in patience, love and commitment. The Lord has given
me many exciting 'thoughts' about the future, but that will have to wait
for now (I know that Steve will say, 'here she goes again!') And I
just pray that this book will do what Steve set out to do, to help Jew and
Gentile to understand each other. Although we are all different, Yeshua
came to break down the dividing wall between us. Let us work and pray
together in unity.
STEVE
I'd go along with that, so I'll 'amen' it. I thank God for my family, my
spiritual family of Jew and Gentile, my cultural Jewish family and my own
physical family. Our main prayers go out for my dad, Molly. No Jew in this
country, so I am led to believe, has had such a volume of prayers sent up
on his behalf. Whenever you see a 'Jewish man, H. from Ilford'
mentioned on a prayer newsletter, you know who's being referred to. If
prayers could be measured by volume, the gallons that have had his name
on, can only be matched by the volume of tea he has served up at Church
meetings. If good works could get you to heaven and faith counts for
nothing then my dad is there sitting by the Lord's throne - polishing it
for him! Never have so many latkahs been fried for a Christian meeting by
one of so little faith. Unfortunately for him, faith counts for everything
and we can only pray that the Lord will remove whatever obstacles my dad
has put in the way of receiving Yeshua as his Messiah.
