My son, the Christian?!

CHAPTER 4: The Jewish connection

It was about this time that our search took a new turn. For me it started out as a point of interest and just grew into a conviction, but for my Mum it was integral to her understanding of her new faith and her role within it.

PHYLLIS

I needed the Jewish connection and it wasn't long before I got it. First it was through Ruth Eastwood. I had heard her name mentioned many times in different circles. I knew that she was Jewish and had been a believer for most of her life, so I was really interested. At last another Jew, someone who I could identify with. After many false starts I finally met with her in her home and we spent practically the whole day together. My eyes were opened by the way she revealed her Jewishness in a Christian way. Her walls were decorated with paintings and scriptures, each with Hebrew letters. She explained to me how she kept the Jewish festivals and how she celebrated them in a Christian way. What was being revealed to me was how the two, Jew and Gentile, were able to be fitted together. Here was this attractive, typically Jewish-looking woman, complete with Jewish humour and taste in food, leading a worshipful Christian life.

STEVE

I remember one year Ruth and her husband Rob coming over to my parent's house to celebrate Passover with us. Family Passover celebrations have, interestingly, acted as a barometer of the spiritual state of our family. My earliest memories of Passover was of the totally undecipherable ceremony, conducted in fluent Hebrew by my father, rushed through at breakneck speed so that the saliva glands wouldn't overload themselves with expectation before the food arrived. Two interesting points were 1) my dad didn't have a clue what he was saying and 2) we didn't have a clue what Passover was even though, ironically, the whole point of the ceremony was to instruct the children as to the facts of the Exodus story. This situation continued throughout my childhood, though sometimes at different venues, until I was 32 years old and married. Then came the first change. This was when I took over, as a secret believer. The first time was even before my mum had started her search. I conducted the service in English, passing a few scraps of Hebrew ritual prayers to my dad to keep him happy and justified. At last we all realised what it was all about! The food was delayed, but at least everyone found out what Elijah's cup was for! Monica and I even cheekily slipped in a Christian chorus, which she led, to the utter amazement of Nana Lily, who congratulated her on learning a Jewish song just for the occasion!

The following year we had my Mum and sister as co-conspirators and added a bit of Christian content, though not mentioning Jesus by name, referring to him as the Messiah. This was over the heads of those present, who couldn't understand why they were waiting even longer for the food! Each year became more and more involved, with meticulous planning and prayer cover. I tried to do it different every year, adding new ritual every time. But, eventually, the reaction had to come. Last year we did it at Michele's house. The kids conducted it amongst giggles and explosions of wind. It was rushed through at breakneck speed, my dad did all the Hebrew bits and we had a real feast afterwards! There's nothing wrong with a bit of nostalgia sometimes!

PHYLLIS

The other big influence in my life at that time was Helen Shapiro. I read an article about her in a Christian magazine and was stunned to find that she was a Jewish believer. I had seen her on television, knew her songs and here am I reading that she had become a believer in Jesus, the Jewish Messiah. I wrote to her and soon afterwards met her in her Mum's home. We got on well, she is an easy person to relate to. I had followed her career with interest, especially as she is a nice Jewish girl, her background matched mine well and we spoke the same language. I found her a strong believer who spoke with enthusiasm, conviction and power. Many times, in those early days, she would ring me and her deep voice would say, 'Nu, what's news?' I knew at the time that she was only interested in my walk with Jesus, not the knit-wear business that I was still trying to run. I must admit now, to her especially, that there were times when I heard that distinctive voice of hers over the phone, usually in the middle of a busy day, my heart would sink and I would think, 'I haven't got time for this', but, by the time the conversation had ended, I was lifted spiritually onto a different planet. She did challenge me, though we did not always agree on all matters. But even way back then I think we both felt that our paths would touch and that we would be linked together doing the same work one day (and I don't mean singing!)

STEVE

Funnily enough, at about the same time, I was also getting involved with another Jewish believer. It was Howard, the other Jew at St Andrew's. Howard, like Helen Shapiro, also came from a musical background, but whereas her acceptance of her Messiah seems to have revitalised her career (through the grace of God), he was brought low and found himself living in a council flat in Stratford (also the grace of God, he really does move in mysterious ways). Howard was (and still is, he tells me) a talented musician, attaining a great deal of success in the late 60s and early 70s with the underground group, Audience. Alas Audience are no more, as are audiences. His career has been put on hold, though it seems that he is currently on the brink of some new things musically, so perhaps there's life yet in the old man.

Howard is also a pretty nifty artist and has worked with me as an artist on some freelance projects that I've been involved in (oh, by the way, I'm a freelance computer software designer and programmer). We have been through a lot together, as we decided some time ago to try and produce Christian computer software to help evangelise the lost yuppies who'd rather sit in front of a computer screen than read a book. We were naive in those days, of the opinion that all that we did and all the contacts we made would be blessed by God because our hearts were in the right place. We made many mistakes and, as a result, lost time and money. One group of people, who shall remain nameless, took us under their wing, when we showed them the computer game we were producing that would warn Christians against the New Age Movement. It was much later when we finally twigged that these people were the very Christians (those influenced by the New Age) that we were trying to warn against in our game! Oh, by the way, we only sold a couple of copies of the game. Apart from the fact that the game wasn't that good, a bit of market research would have told us that, at that time (1990) most Christians had hardly progressed from using calculators and the rest saw them as the Beast of Revelation!

Another group of people probably set us back by about a year emotionally and creatively. They had a master vision for conquering Europe using Christian TV. We got sucked into this vision, I was to set up a software division and Howard a music division. The problem was that no-one had any money and we were all led to believe that millions of pounds were about to be released for these projects through an astounding technological advance that was to be sold to the Japanese for a planet-load of yen. But it was all a pipe-dream, the bubble burst and it all fizzled out. Again I learnt that it doesn't matter how grand your dreams are, how sincere your motives are, if God's not in it, he's not in it, and you're best off out of it!

Things are working out better now as we have completed a series of Christian computer software for Lion Publishing and I am currently designing a Computer Based Training course for a small Bible school, that would enable students to attend classes in such subjects as Systematic Theology or Church History, just by turning on their computer. And Howard (and I, in a less significant capacity) played in the same worship group at a Messianic congregation as Helen Shapiro (more of that later).

PHYLLIS

Helen took me through many scriptures. Isaiah 53 meant a lot to me. How could this be talking about anyone else but Jesus (or Yeshua, his Jewish name, as Helen always referred to him as). Helen saw herself as a 'completed Jew', or a 'Messianic Jew'. It was the first time I had heard this word. I kept saying 'masonic', instead of 'Messianic' to start with but I got used to it.

Through her persistence I finally decided to visit a Messianic congregation. So one Friday night Steve and I went to the London Messianic Congregation (L.M.C.). We walked in to a friendly, exciting place of worship with Jewish banners on the wall and lots of Jewish faces. 'Ah, home at last', I thought. I felt comfortable, at peace and all guilt gone. It suddenly felt right to believe in Yeshua, the Jewish Messiah. It fitted, it was as I saw Jesus in the first place. We sang Jewish songs, lit the Shabbat candles and said the blessings in Hebrew. The man heading the congregation called himself a Rabbi. That felt good. I could even bring Hymie here. In fact, later on, I did and he soon felt at home and even picked up the songs, which he sang with relish. He only came a couple of times, but then stopped because he didn't want to be seen encouraging us with this new faith.

Every time I went Helen and the others would ask, 'Well, how is your walk with Yeshua?'. I was honest and would answer, 'I can't really say'. I was confused, the L.M.C. seemed just too Jewish!. Split between my loyalties as a Jew, but recognising the teachings from the New Testament. But it was good to go there, because there I had no battles. I was relaxed there, whereas in Church I was in a completely different culture, a foreigner in a strange land.

STEVE

I was reluctant to go to the L.M.C. at first, as it didn't particularly fit in with where I saw myself going. But I knew it was important for my Mum, the Jewish angle was crucial for her. The L.M.C. at that time met in a small church more used to a "three men and a dog" - sized congregation than the massive numbers that met there on Friday nights. It was in the heart of Golders Green, on the flight-path for an Orthodox Jewish synagogue. I found this provocative considering the numbers of Orthodox Jews that had to walk past to go to their own service and no doubt puzzled by the Hebrew choruses, and disgusted by the Christian context. The L.M.C. congregation was truly a melting pot. There were authentic Jewish believers (the minority), Gentiles sympathetic to Jewish forms of worship, visitors curious about this 'Jewish thing' and curious to test it for heresy, the odd 'strange' person sent along by Satan to confuse everyone and the occasional old biddy who thought it was a Sunday and wondered why the cross was covered up and everyone seemed to be speaking in tongues (Hebrew)!

We came for quite a few weeks and, on the whole, I found the experience spiritually confusing (sometimes there seemed to be very little order) but mentally stimulating. It was a real encouragement to me to get all of this Jewish input. I stopped going when my Mum got bored of going (she has a very short attention span for some things, as you've probably gathered by now).

PHYLLIS

Steve and I would always discuss the sermon on the way home, and he would explain the finer points. But one day it all went flat. Although all of these experiences were new to me, I found that it had stopped satisfying me. I was hungry for strong food, but I was being served with rituals and niceties. I was not learning anything new. The Jewish atmosphere was not enough. I wanted more and the L.M.C. was not providing what I needed at that time. I was beginning to realise that, yes I am Jewish, but I was not searching for the rules and rituals that I had left behind. I needed to go to where Jesus stood, I needed to find the right balance.

It was strange that the reasons I left L.M.C. was that I found the Jewishness in the meetings too suffocating. I felt the chains binding me and I didn't feel free. I thanked God for giving me the balance in my life that I got from my new Gentile friends. As a result I made some new discoveries about myself. Yes, I felt comfortable with being Jewish and realised the importance of holding onto the biblical side, a side that Jesus himself holds dear, but letting go of the rituals, the rabbinical side that man had built around simple statements in the Bible.

STEVE

I certainly saw the need for balance especially now that have seen both extremes, on the one side the charismatic assemblies who proclaim themselves as the Israel of God and the only 'true Jews' and, on the other side, the 'orthodox' Messianic assemblies, where everyone, including Gentiles, are wearing the kippur (head covering) and the tallit (prayer shawl) and the Sabbath is religiously kept. But there is one subject where there is very little balance and that is over the subject of Israel.

I first went to Israel in 1976, to escape from my doomed relationship with the 'Christian' girl and to discover this faith of hers at its source. I worked on a Kibbutz for eleven weeks, where I learned how to pick oranges with both hands, eat yoghurt, play backgammon and say 'Hello' in 27 different languages, including Arabic. At Christmas I took a bus to Jerusalem for a solo pilgrimage. I stayed at a small hotel run by a young widow who had this habit of sleeping with every male guest - luckily I left the place before my name came up on the rota. Jerusalem captivated me, even though I, as yet, did not identify with it in either the Jewish or Christian sense. There was a fairy-tale yet dangerous atmosphere about the place, where you could either be swept away into a fantasy adventure, or garrotted by an Arab assassin. While there I met a Bahai couple, Christians by the bucket-load and visited a Jewish Yeshiva, where I was promised that, if I joined up and spent my life with them peering over Hebrew scriptures with them on Mount Zion, I could join their rock group and regularly tour New York! But nothing people would say could influence me, I was on a very personal pilgrimage. The eleven weeks that I was there was the most eye-opening and richly featured period of my life and the memories would never leave me. Eventually I had to come home after hearing that every one of my college friends were now in good jobs and earning bucket-loads of money, whereas all I had was a bucket-load of sand from Eilat. My dad picked me up from the airport and, on the way home, casually asked, 'I hope you haven't become one of those Christians'. I was confused so couldn't answer one way or another but a truthful answer would have been, 'No, but perhaps one day ....'

PHYLLIS

The first time I visited Israel was many years ago. Michele was working on a Kibbutz. At that time I was neither religious nor a Zionist, but I will never forget the feeling of joy when we landed that was somehow a Jewish thing. Since then I have been three times and each time have seen a deterioration about the place. A feeling of aggression and tension is heavy, especially in Jerusalem. It's smelly, dirty and intimidating, and yet there was a feeling of excitement on being in God's land.

This year was an exception. We went on a Christian tour run by my pastor, Mervyn Tilley. This was good. We had a Jewish guide who did not hide his anger when he realised that there were two Messianic Jews in his party (Hymie acted like one by now). But he didn't spoil a wonderful Biblical experience when Mervyn explained every step we made in relation to the Bible. He really brought it all to life and many scriptures took on a new meaning. It was an experience that Hymie and I would never forget.

STEVE

I remember my dad telling us about this Jewish guide they had. When they were by the River Jordan one of the party was baptised in the waters. My dad was so fed up with this guide that he had half a mind to get baptised just to spite him! We all laughed when he told us this, but it doesn't escape from the fact that my dad now knew the complete Christian vocabulary, knew more about some facets of the faith than a good few Christians that we knew, yet, in his own words, has yet to be 'touched by the Holy Spirit'. All I can say is 'God's timing, God's timing!'

Meanwhile, my mother was ready to move on ...