Early exchanges at the Seder

Then Morry began. He poured wine into his cup, then picked up the haggadah and began speaking.

"Full of rejoiced hope we finish the Seder ....".

He smiled, looking over at David, then closed the book and reopened it at the back page, rather than the first page. He'd set the tone, as irreverent as usual, for the evening and I groaned inwardly. Morry was totally unfazed at the blank response, realising that David was the only one there sufficiently on the ball to appreciate the joke, and he certainly wasn't ..... appreciating the joke.

He launched himself into the blessing over the wine.

"Baruch atah adonai elohaynu melech ho-olam boray p're hagofen."

He never got any further. Miriam, slightly sozzled on No 34, had picked this time to make a short speech.

"Listen I'm sorry to interrupt, Morry, I really am", she said, not in the least apologetically.

"I've been coming to these Passovers since .... well, for a long time anyway. And I've sat in silence like a little girl, allowing you ..."

She turned her head over to David then back to Morry.

" ... to carry on this outdated, irrelevant .... charade. Let's face it ... it's just an excuse for an almighty fress" .

Morry just shrugged his shoulders, he wasn't exactly disagreeing. David wasn't having any of this. He stood up, glaring at Miriam.

"There's a time and a place, Miriam. And this is neither."

He immediately sat down, helped by the restraining hand of his wife, Esther.

"No, I disagree, David. This is the time ... and the place. Look, Morry, I really don't mean to be rude and I know you've gone to a lot of effort, but .... can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Miriam. I'm all ears".

"Do you really understand all the Hebrew that you are about to entertain us with in your admittedly fluent style?"

"Of course ......" He shrugged his shoulders, then added ".... not".

"Why not? Didn't you ever bother to learn the meanings of it all? Doesn't that worry you?"

"Listen, Miriam. It doesn't really matter. It's the occasion that matters. It's a time to be sociable, to chat .... to eat."

"No, you two. I beg to differ!" said David, with a raised voice.

"This is a holy occasion. We are commemorating a defining moment of our history."

His left eyebrow was twitching and his mouth was set into stern lines.

"Who said?" said Miriam, provocatively.

My friend Gerald nodded his head vigorously, though Jonathan had a disapproving air about him.

"It's history!" bellowed David. "It's in the Bible, the book of Exodus."

"Doesn't mean it's history" snarled Miriam to more fervent nodding by Gerald the atheist. She was standing up now, to make her point.

"What!" exclaimed David, as if he had been delivered an insult to the very core of his being, which, in fact, he had.

"Look, I'm not religious like you, David. I live by my wits, my brain, my reasoning ability. And to my mind there's no room for miracles like you're going to tell us about. Plagues of frogs, rivers turning to blood. It's just mythology."

She sat down, her point made, then, spoken as an after-thought, though intended as a filibuster, she added, "just like your God is, too".

There was silence. All eyes turned to David, who was gathering himself for this new phase of battle. Then someone else spoke. It was Sadie. She was the fourth member of the golf foursome. Being of a meek and mild nature, easily dominated by her peers, she was the last person they all expected to hear at this moment.

"I believe in God", she said.

David looked at her and nodded faintly.

"God is in us all and we are all in God. God is everywhere and everywhere is in God".

David slapped his hand to his forehead and muttered a Yiddish curse. Morry decided to open things out a little.

"That's interesting, Sadie. So does that mean I'm God?"

"Yes, Morry. Me too. All of us."

David had remained silent too long (at least 20 seconds) and got to his feet so violently that his couple flew forwards into the haroseth dish.

"You stupid stupid woman!"

Sadie reddened and withdrew into herself in embarrassment, so much so that she really seemed to be in the process of being swallowed by her chair. David continued in the same vein, his own jugular pulsating in rhythm.

"You're Jewish! There's only one God and it certainly isn't you!"

"Mind you, sometimes her tee-shot is quite heavenly" interrupted Morry, trying to lower blood pressures. David totally ignored this.

"She's almost as bad as ....... him!" he added, looking straight at me.

"She's not quite gone over to the .... other side. But she's not far short!"

I decided not to get into the discussion. There was obviously nothing I could say to defuse things at that moment. Dolly, thankfully, spoke up.

"Let's carry on, shall we. Perhaps things will start to flow in a ..... civilized manner, once we've ..... got started."

Everyone either nodded their assent or shrugged shoulders or eyebrows. Morry continued. It went well for a while. He sailed through the lettuce and salt water, the second cup of wine went down without incident and his grandson, Ronnie, performed the Ma Nishtanah (the four questions) quite adequately.